yesterday my husband and I were having lunch…
somehow we started talking about the dark years of our marriage…
he shared how he felt and what was going through his mind…
how everything looked and felt for him..
…I felt his version and my heart ached for him.
I shared how I remembered it and he didn’t understand how I felt the way I did…
he was honestly amazed at how we both had different stories and memories…
..and that’s because we were/ARE two humans living different experiences.
we were so blind to each other’s worlds.
we both were just surviving.
we both gave our 100%…
but we were just giving and never took the time to look at what the other person actually needed.
I honor his story…
if I’m honest I wanted to sit there an argue about it…
because again, he saw something else then what I needed…
but the same was for me…
I saw, felt and gave something else than what he needed.
so I don’t diminish his story because that is what he lived.
that is his truth.
most times we have a hard time figuring out ourselves (what we want, what makes us happy)
so expecting someone else to figure us out, read our minds is the highest expectation we can put on anyone.
one of my favorite things that has helped me understand our relationship is astrology.
I needed to figure out why my husband and I could not communicate…
we both felt like we gave 100% and yet felt like we received 10%..
so I started learning more and googling/youtubing everything about a cancer (him) and an aquarius (me) relationship…
and let me just say it appeared to be one of the worst combinations.
I ended up learning about the sun sign, moon sign, birth charts and the houses of our charts…
I learned how it all comes together to make us all very unique.
at first I took it with a more negative attitude…
like, ok, this explains everything…
we are not meant to be.
its too complicated.
I have to find a new man.
that’s the most simple thing to do, i told myself.
and I grab myself by that reasoning…
in a way it allowed me to let our relationship unfold from its entanglement naturally…
I wasn’t trying to fix it anymore…
because it just seemed impossible to do.
the stars said it, we weren’t meant to be… so I thought.
then after learning about all the other sings and figuring out the man I was dating were also pretty different than me…
I realized there is not one perfect combination.
I was really disappointed with the stars by this point.
yes, some sign may get along way better than others but marriage is not really about “getting along”
(I mean it is but it isn’t)
what I felt for my husband… the connection.
two souls actually connecting… coming together.
I couldn’t find it anywhere else.
one day I realized that I wanted my soulmate back.
but I couldn’t force him…
I mean, if I could, I so would’ve sat on him and forced him to love me; if I could.
By this time I had purchased the #moneymentalitymakeover
I was doing the work on money…
then decided I needed and wanted to focus on my marriage…
I decided if I healed my heart, healed my marriage everything else will fall into place.
because everything IS connected.
I continued my journey of healing my broken heart…
I began a pure self-love journey.
astrology really did help me understand his actions and how he worked so I kept that in mind as I made vision boards…
as I took time to be grateful for my marriage.
as I prayed with my kids at nights and we all sent love and angels to protect daddy where ever he was and to guide him in his journey.
I learned to hold space for him in my world.
I learned to send him love from afar.
I learned to heal hurtful emotions that would erupt when he was near me through tapping.
one fun book that helped me in this pure self-love journey was a book that was recommended by two best friends I met in the Desire Map Book Club I joined in Dallas, they were just talking and sharing about her teachings and all things pleasure… so of course I had to read it! and it was super good! >> the book is: Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World
it’s our responsibility to take care of our side of the street – how Amanda likes to explain.
it’s not up to us to force someone to change.
but it is up to us how we want to do life.
every time I took a step towards my personal growth, I prayed and sent “growth energy” for my husband…
I wanted to evolve and grow and become a better version of myself.
but I feared that he wouldn’t do the same.
I feared that I would become a different person and have to let him go.
and so I would remind myself that I could not control him or his journey.
but I could mine.
and I would send him all the love I could.
and feel where I wanted our marriage to be, pray for him… and that’s all I could do.
so I continued my inner work.
learning who I was.
how my mind, personality worked.
what made me happy.
and I also continued to learn about him.
…and to all the busy moms…
believe me, I understand that when you have little kids…
most days you are just surviving.
but if you stop, lock yourself in the restroom after everyone is in bed for 10 min.
journal your feelings.
or take some time in the shower to tap all the emotions that keep building up
the pressure will start to lift off.
God, will start to guide you.
..to me, this is when the next clear step normally appeared.
so tap (eft) the stress out.
create a mantra for yourself.
I use to say this mantra to myself over and over again: I Love You, I’m Sorry, Forgive Me, Thank You.
I learned this one from Dr. Joe Vitale. (you can read more on this mantra here: https://www.wanttoknow.info/070701imsorryiloveyoujoevitale -- I don’t own this website nor am I an affiliate… I just google this mantra and this page explained the history of where this mantra originated but Dr. Joe Vitale does have a book that shares all about it, that’s where I originally learned about it.
Another thing I loved to do was text myself or use the voice memos:
When you put it into words or speak what you are feeling, you are allowing your body to release all that energy and your body will immediately will start feeling lighter and start to view your situation with more of an open mind — so journal or audio/text message yourself when you are feeling stress or feel stuck in a situation and then read or listen to it and imagine it being your daughter/your son/someone you love so much… what would you tell this person?
also, stop trying to figure out all the answers by today.
some things are just not able to be fixed in a day.
time will help.
God will help.
but you have to let go to allow the universe to unfold all the desires of your heart easily and naturally into your life.
the love you give yourself will show others how to love you.
If you want to learn more about the money mentality makeover, you can do so here: http://moneymentalitymakeover.xoxoyemima.com/
To learn about the bonus I’m giving if you purchase through my link go here: https://www.facebook.com/notes/yemima-gonzalez/once-upon-a-time/10209278754439579/
Want to learn how to more about tapping/eft, my favorite life tool! go here ⇢ howtappingworks.xoxoyemima.com
And if you want to learn more about vision boards or elevating into overflow, check out the links below:
Watch the replay to the 3rd Annual Vision Board Party here ⇢ http://amandafrances.com/cmd.php?Clk=5607433
or join the Elevate Into Overflow. two-week livestream extravaganza with Amanda here ⇢ http://amandafrances.com/cmd.php?Clk=5608849
Full Disclosure: I’m a proud alumni and affiliate partner of Amanda Frances’ Money Mentality Makeover course. I don’t recommend anything lightly and I fully believe in this program. I may earn a referral fee if you take the course from my recommendation. All of my opinions are 100% my own.